Fixing movies: The first great train robbery (1978)

 Let’s start with the arrogance of the title: fixing movies.

There are, of course, a whole lot of movies that I personally would have loved to have seen go differently than what happened. I would’ve preferred Call me by your name to have ended happily. Or, if it were up to me, the kid in Dinocroc wouldn’t have died.

Yes, I watch a whole array of different films.

But these are all choices made by the director. My personal preference or opinion gets in the way.
However, sometimes a movie has a ‘happy mistake’ that I can use to make the movie more to my liking. One of these movies is Michael Crichton’s: The first great train robbery (1978).

The mistakes in the movie: style.
The first great train robbery is, for 90 percent of the time, a happy crime caper comedy in which a dashing Sean Connery and his sidekick (the deliciously ever complaining) Donald Sutherland hoodwink various high-ranking members of the British Railroad. They do this to obtain various keys which, in turn, unlock a four-lock safe on a moving train that holds a vast amount of money.

The fun part is that they never use brute force to obtain a key. One moment they let a woman seduce a man in a hilarious brothel scene. And another they stage a high tension timed burglary.

This scene is important to explain! The setting is as follows: One of the keys is in the office of the station director. There’s a guard patrolling the door every night except for a 30 second window.
To get the key Donald Sutherland’s character has to run to the office door, unlock it, find and copy the key and then escape before the 30 seconds are up. Impossible.
So, to make more time, he and Connery hire the services of a young catburgler boy (who daringly escapes prison for them). The boy unlocks the office from inside so Sutherland’s character only has to make it to the door and copy the key.
The scene that follows is a brilliantly tense 30 seconds.

But then suddenly the movie turns dark for a moment as the boy betrays our two heroes to the police. Which results in him getting himself strangled in cold blood on Connery’s character’s orders.
After which the movie returns to its easygoing style as if nothing had happened.
This murder scene is such a break in character for Connery and the main style of the movie that it simply does not fit. But there’s more.

The mistakes in the movie: the hidden character.
Throughout the movie the Connery character’s dialogue refers to a hidden character, his man servant Barlow (George Downing), who you hardly ever see.

The only moment you truly see the man is when he is, in fact, strangling the aforementioned boy.
It is safe to assume that the character was cut out of the movie apart from the essential scenes that the movie couldn’t do without (like collecting the money as Connery throws it out of the train).

The mistakes in the movie: the sudden shifty guard.
The first great train robbery begins with an unknown crook being thrown off the train by the guard guarding the four-lock safe.

However, when Connery and co attempt to rob the train later on they suddenly managed to bribe the same guard. Suddenly this impeccably loyal guard is willing to let a robbery take place under his nose regardless of the fact that –the minute the bankers open the safe- he’d be the first to be questioned the minute people notice that the money is gone.

Conclusion

So what we have is a fun movie with one immensely dark scene that breaks the atmosphere of the movie. A character that is hardly ever on screen. And, finally, a character that changes sides without any reason.

I think these three mistakes can be fixed in such a way that they complement each other (and the entire film) instead of bringing it down. My solution:

Fixing the movie.
The first fix would be to let the boy not betray Connery and his allies. That way the boy survives and the tone of the movie stays happy.
A happy consequence is that the Barlow-character will be even less in the movie than he already is.
Now we can have the boy take the place of the manservant as he collects the money.

Moreover, the boy can help Connery in the final scene (which I won’t spoil).

Which brings me to the shifting guard. Assuming that I don’t want him to turncoat there are two ways of dealing with the character. Either the man is ‘taken out’ before the train departs.

In a silly way I imagine.

E.g. Food poisoning or the promise of sex or something.

Or, two, the man is taken out on duty in the classic stick-up fashion.
Connery’s character almost being thrown out of the train only for Sutherland to arrive just in time to save the day and tie down the guard.

Remember the finale takes place on a locked steam train cart in the 1800s.

Even if the guard cries for help – who would hear him?

A third, but outlandish, possibility would be for one character to take the guard’s place. But that would mean then there would be no reason for Connery’s character to walk on top of the train. Which is, after all, the most exciting scene in the entire movie.

There you have it. The first great train robbery is still one of my all time favourite movies. But it has these three big mistakes that simply deny this movie the status I think it should hold. So if people ever wish to remake it they shouldn’t change a thing except these three big problems. I hope my suggestions help.