Mixed tape movies: Pirates.

In the eighties it was the-thing-to-do to make a mixed tape (like an mp3 but touchable, always in need of a pencil and definitely cooler). On it you would make a little playlist of all the cool songs. Now the trick was to make each song correspond with the rest of the tape. In this post I will try to do the same with movies.

Every once in a while I will select a general topic and select movies to accompany it. As you can see the more child-friendly movies are at the start of the day, but  when night falls: ‘here be monsters’. Please feel free to give suggestions of other unknown movies.

One rule though: Auteur themes like ‘Shakespeare’ or ‘James Bond’ are not allowed. ‘Spy-movies’, naturally, are.

Theme: Pirate movies.

Pirates versus Ninjas is a fun internet joke. And the question often is: which do you prefer? Pirates or Ninjas? My answer: Pirates! No question. Let me rape (sorry about that), pillage and rob everything in sight. There’s something about a ship on the horizon carrying a skull and crossbones flag that rings a cord with me. Here is my little mixed tape of my favorite pirate movies.

08:00-10:00 
Pirates: band of misfits: Probably, if you read this blog – you’ll know that I have a everlasting love for stop motion animation. This movie isn’t the best Aardman ever made (the script tends to warble). But visually it is still the best I could ever hope for. A pirate and a dodo ready to save the world. 

10:00-12:00

Sinbad legend of the seven seas: Sinbad legend of the seven seas is a fun cartoon about an Arabian adventurer/pirate. The faults are obvious when you compare it to other animated classics. But looking back at the time this movie was made and the usage of CGI and hand-drawn animation it still stands strong. I would even be so bold as to claim that this movie is better than Disney’s Treasure Planet.

12:00–14:00

Black beards ghost: The brilliant classic. Peter Ustinov as the evil pirate Black Beard. As he is cursed by a wicked woman he has to help our great hero ensure his legacy. He does it the only way he knows how: with a vile sense of humor and a wicked right hook.

14:00-16:00

Kidnapped: How to scar a child? Send a lovable chap up a set of stairs and let him enter a door whereafter there is only pit. I can’t really recall the rest of the story (something about Scotland). But just this scene; that somebody would let his own family member walk towards certain death scared the bejeezers out of me as a child. Forget the rest….

16:00–18:00

Shipwrecked: A little, underestimated, gem. A boy get’s discarded on a lonesome island and decides to fight back the villains when they get there. It’s the ultimate preteen fantasy of traps and tree-houses –oh, and some treasure and a lovable villainous pirate played by –the always great- Gabriel Byrne. Will this boy succeed eventually? Most definitely.

18:00-20:00

The crimson pirate: The great Burt Lancaster and his friend Nick Cravat. They were partners in a circus together before they took on acting in movies. Naturally, because of Lancaster’s great looks he got a career out of it. But don’t pity the ‘little man’ (I apologize for the phrase). He went go two daughters and a happy (second – death waits for no man) marriage.

This is a pirate movie that has all the acrobatics in the ropes you can want. And  the two male leads/friends whose trust in each other shines on the screen. Forget the silly story and watch some true acrobatics and bromance.

 I’m choosing Lancaster over Errol Flynn here.

I’m certain I’ll refer to the legendary Flynn in due time.

20:00-22:00

Treasure island: The Bale and Heston version (the great Christopher Lee is deliciously scary in this one). This is the definite version of Stevenson’s tale. (Though I have a soft spot in my heart for the muppet version). There is sword-fighting, bloodshed, danger and treasure to behold.  Though I don’t really like Christian Bale as a person (that might change) I do love the acting chops he displays here as young Mr. Hawkins.

22:00-00:00

Cutthroat island: The definite classic. Sometimes. It is difficult to pinpoint why a movie failed. This movie is one of them. The story is brilliant (lost treasure). The heroin is amazing: Geena Davids as Morgan. But somehow the audience didn’t flock towards it. Cutthroat island will forever be known as the singular proof that a movie-audience can’t be predicted completely. I never understood why – this is one of the best pirate movies around.

00:00-02:00

Pirates of the Caribbean: The resurgence? After Cutthroat island Hollywood didn’t dare to touch another pirate movie for a decade. This movie proved them wrong – and rightfully so. Pirates of the Caribbean is a delightful tale. The script is wonky at times (even more so in the sequels). But overall this is the movie that makes audience members voice: “Argggggg”. Most of all because of Johnny Depp’s fascinating performance. Just his entry on that leaky boat – brilliant.

02:00-04:00

The island: Finally some pirates in our current time!

True, I neglected to mention Captain Philips.
For good reason, I recon, because I really wanted this article to be about swashbuckler pirates.

The Island, then, is just that: A bunch of pirates capture a father and son because they simply don’t know the world evolved around them. The boy never acted again after, this but his scene with eyes being kept open with sticks will live on in infamy. Yes, it’s a silly movie, but fun to watch. And why do we watch pirate movies? Because we love seeing villains being villainous!

The great Michael Caine is notorious for his ‘paycheck’-movies. And I can’t blame him. We all want to make a buck or two. The Island (or later Jaws 4 –same author) aren’t the highlights of his career. But, he always brings his A-game and he is always willing to let himself be part of the story. Somehow that, to me, rings far more admirable than a selective actor like Daniel Day Lewis – who always brings his A-game, but only on movies he wants. I guess; I’m a working class guy; I love it when my actors are regular Joe’s like me.

Honorable mention:

You might have noticed that I’ve included a lot of children’s movies in this particular mixed tape. The reason is simple: most pirate movies are aimed at children. I could easily show Pirates of the Caribbean to a young child because it is hardly scary (maybe the scene with the skeletons is, but that’s about it). There are very few movies with real horrendous pirates that I either know of or that I feel worthy of mentioning. Still there are some I left out of this list and here they are:

Hook: Peter pan couldn’t be left out of the equation when talking pirates, but I did. Dustin Hoffman as the greatest pirate: Hook versus the lost boys in a battle for the ages. Who needs a crocodile with a clock in its mouth if you’ve got scene stealing performances aplenty – thanks to the great Steven Spielberg?

Captain Phillips: A fantastic movie (that final scene). But I left it out because I wanted to write about pirates in days past. I’m sure I will call upon this movie in some mixed tape about real life stories.

 

Pirates: The great walter Matthau is in this one. And even though it’s a great ride It never really ‘grabbed’ met like the other ones on this list. 

The Fog : Yes there are pirates in this one. But it’s more about the fog than the pirates.

Some terrible mentions: The pirates of Penanze, The ice pirates, Yellowbeard, and some very, very bad horrors. Just don’t watch these. Well…ice pirates is fun if you have a stiff drink ready – maybe a bottle of rum. Hoho!